Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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