She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
