After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
