no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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