What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
