My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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