He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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