At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
