Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
