his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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