well I can't set my house on fire every night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
