I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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