the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
