You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
