he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
