i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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