This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
