Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
