remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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