70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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