I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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