They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize