WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
