plz talk dirty to me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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