I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
