Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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