he wants to bone in the snuggie
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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