How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
