We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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