You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
