I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In America we eat man semen.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
