He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
