Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Quick, to the slutcave!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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