I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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