Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
