Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
