I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
