Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
