did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
