its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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