no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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