I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
