You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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