That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
