When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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