I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
