I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
