I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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