I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
