how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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