get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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