the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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