...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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