i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
