Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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