he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
