just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
