I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I fill condoms, not promises.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
